well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
Randomize
