the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Randomize