I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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