you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Randomize
