i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
He? As in you personified your dick?
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
