I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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