So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
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