Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Randomize
