We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
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