i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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