I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
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