Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
