Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Randomize
