can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Randomize
