Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Randomize
