i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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