I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize