I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Randomize
