Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Randomize
