just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Randomize
