so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
