You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
