I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
