dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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