My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
