her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
