I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
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