Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize