My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
