Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Randomize
