My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
barbara walters just said penis...
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Randomize
