I showed him my bush... on skype.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Randomize
