there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Randomize
