At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
