I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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