What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
