Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
this beer tastes like vomit already
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Randomize
