You can't motorboat a personality
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize