Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
