white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
