Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
