I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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