I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
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