This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
My life is pants optional.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
