He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
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