just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
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