Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
