yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize