I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
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