considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize