U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Randomize
