he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize