eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
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