I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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