Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
