New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
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