maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Randomize
