Porn is love you can see.
I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
I have fence marks all over my body
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
