he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
and i looked up. we had an audience...
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
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