i barfeds in our rink
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
They are going to name an STD after you.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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