another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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