So gin and wine won't be happening again
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
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