Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Randomize
