I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Randomize
