sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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