his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
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