Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Randomize
