u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
