Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
